Valentine Fail

Friday 14 February. St Valentine’s Day. A day of romance, love and fun…but not for me. Mine was quite the opposite unfortunately. 

During the week I heard from February Not So Fun guy, who was keen for a second chance. I figured his meltdown was a once-off, and that a second chance was worth it. It happened that the only evening we were both free was Friday night. And for once in my life I had Valentine’s plans! Not that I was really associating him coming over with V-Day, but it was a fleeting thought. 

When we first agreed on Friday, he said he could come over around 6pm, on his way home from the airport. I said that was probably too early, as I wouldn’t be home yet, but he could always call when he left the airport and I’d see where I was. Truth be told, I was planning on going to the gym, and that was a priority for me (I was feeling the sting of waiting for him last time when I could have been doing things that were important to me). Anyway, long story short, eventually we settled on 8:30pm. I never did get to the gym, as I stayed late at work, and so of course it was a mad rush home to shower, tidy up etc. 

At 9pm he still hadn’t arrived. At one point I tried calling him but it went straight to voicemail. By 10pm I’d given up and started cooking a couple of meals for the week ahead (I was going to be away for the weekend so Friday night was my only opportunity). 

And then – finally – he texts! At 10:30pm. Now what do you think this text said? An apology with an excuse? Maybe he had gotten into a horrible car accident on his way over. Maybe he had a migraine. Perhaps he had a family emergency. But no. There was no apology, no explanation and no shame. The text said “See you in fifteen?”

WHAT??????? Seriously. What. The. Fuck???

I’m just sorry I didn’t reply with that exact reaction. My response was nevertheless just as negative. I said no – I had been waiting, and I’d given up, and now I was busy. And it took him 50 minutes to respond, saying “Fuck. I’m a fool.” Never a truer word has been spoken.

The old saying springs to mind: “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” And thus concludes my foray into casual sex. Epic fail. It was supposed to be fun and ego-boosting and instead turned into a massive waste of time and energy. Thank God I didn’t like him (in “that way”) on top of it all, otherwise I’d be nursing a broken heart too. 

On a more positive note, I have a date lined up for this Friday – a first date with a guy I connected with on eHarmony. We’ve talked on the phone a few times and so far so good. 

I’m not really that upset about the whole situation, more so bemused and puzzled. I keep thinking someone’s playing a joke on me – perhaps for past wrongs? I can’t think who I’ve wronged that badly, but at this stage it seems to be the only valid explanation for his odd behaviour.

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A great week

So far it’s been a great week – busy, tiring but I feel like I’m in a great place. I think I’m going to try using Lorna Jane’s “Move Nourish Believe” framework for my posts, I love the philosophy and I think it’s a great way to maintain balance and not spend too much time/mental energy focusing on one aspect to the detriment of others.

MOVE

It’s been a good week of consistent exercise – I’ve done more so far this week than I have in a long time! I’ve also sneakily combined my social life with my exercise goals which means I get to catch up with friends and we both get the benefit of the exercise at the same time! #winning

I’ve done a 45m spin class, swam 1.4km in 60 mins and lastly did a 60m Body Pump Class. I used to be a regular swimmer in my late primary school/early high school days, but sadly have not really swum laps regularly in a long time. My goal was to do 1km in an hour so I’m stoked I smashed it! Plus I’ve been trying to extend the distance I can swim underwater in one breath, and finally made it to the whole length of the 25m pool – not once, but twice! This is , something I used to be able to do very easily so I’m stoked I could do it again!

I haven’t been to a Body Pump class in about 6 months so I struggled last night. I’ve never been good at squats or lunges, and even though I can cycle 60km with my eyes closed (err…not literally!) I can feel the burn after 5 squats, and you know Body Pump has about 20 times that amount! Today I’m feeling sore, although not excessively. I actually really enjoy the class, so I’ll keep going. I remember my first spin class I couldn’t stand up and pedal for more than 10 seconds at a time, and now I can do 90RPM standing up no problem, so there is definitely hope! And what an amazing sense of accomplishment when you achieve those sorts of goals.

And finally, today I am determined to do my 12WBT fitness test – only about 2 weeks late, but I guess better late than never.

NOURISH

I’ve been eating well all week, a couple of occasions I’ve gone a bit over my calorie budget but when I subtract the calories I’ve burned through exercise I am still way ahead. Learned that avocados have a lot of calories. Good to know, although I won’t be avoiding them just for that reason!

So glad I made a big batch of the Brown Rice Salad on Sunday, I’m having it for lunch every day, and I’m loving it (obviously I won’t have it again next week). Typical snacks this week include hard-boiled eggs, rice cake with cottage cheese and  a nectarine.

I’ve eaten out a couple of times this week, it’s obviously much harder to control the calories and portion sizes, but I’ve tried to make sensible decisions, and enjoy my food regardless. I don’t always eat out that many times in a week so there will be peaks and troughs.

I’ve been keeping track of my calories, which sounds super anal, but is actually quite quick and easy with the Australian Carlorie Counter – Easy Diet Diary App. I only wish it would sync between devices so I could also use it on my iPad, but hey, you can’t have it all!

BELIEVE

I signed up for Gina DeVee‘s Divine Living emails and watched the first video – I am not sure I am quite ready to be receptive to her messages yet, it’s all a bit too spiritual for me. A friend of mine just loves her and I want to give it a good shot – and I’ll never be receptive if I don’t pay attention to what Gina is talking about. I think what I’m resisting is that it’s all very vague, and she talks about changing your mindset/thinking, and then everything will change. I guess I’m more of a pragmatist – I need the step-by-step instructions and tangible tasks to do rather than “think differently”, but I’m willing to learn.

Speaking of changing mindset -my 25m underwater swim was less about my physical capabilities (or what I thought they were) and more about my mindset – the minute I question my ability, I won’t do it. But if I say to myself “keep going, you can do it”, or I don’t even consider failure as an option, I push yourself that little bit harder and in the end I accomplish my goal. Hmm, maybe Gina’s on to something after all!

I’ve been thinking about learning to meditate for a while now. It’s something I’ve never been able to do, and it has come up in conversation with friends and in other contexts quite a lot lately. So this week I downloaded a bunch of free meditation apps, and tried one 7 minute meditation (more-so meant for a quick work break during the day) before I went to bed. It was ok…I just need to keep practicing I think, I feel like it’s one of things that takes time and practice to master, but when you do, it’s fantastic (or so I’ve been told).

I had a date with a guy from e-Harmony, it went well enough. He was very easy to talk to and I enjoyed myself. I don’t want to sound like I’m not interested, but I’m taking all the drama out of dating this year. If I never hear from him again, that’s fine – it’s hard to tell how you feel about someone after a first date (unless of course you can’t stand them from the start). I need to work on my list – what qualities do I really want, before I get too hung up on whether someone else wants to see me again or not.

So all in all, a great week! Looking forward to the weekend, although there won’t be any sleep-in’s for me!

A busy week of socialising

In addition to my busy week of exercising, I now have a busy week of socialising. When it comes to my social life, it’s either pretty quiet or insanely hectic! Tomorrow I have a date – a quick drink – and then dinner with a friend. Thursday I’m combining exercise with socialising by going to body pump with a friend, and we’ll have dinner after. Friday night, February Not So Fun guy is coming over. No expectations, we’ll just see what happens. I guess I need to see if I’m still attracted to him, because since the drama of last week I have definitely not been in that kind of mood!

I didn’t do my 12WBT fitness test last night – the spin class was insanely challenging and I felt exhausted just walking up the stairs at the gym!

And of course, my socialising tomorrow night puts a stop to my exercise plans for Wednesday. However – before anyone gets all self righteous on me, I calculated that I will probably take about 4 hours to do the 100km Ballarat Cycle Classic on Sunday, which is a hell of a lot of exercise, and I think that certainly covers what I would have done tomorrow. When I checked Facebook this morning after a late start, I discovered the friend I am riding with had covered a cool 54km this morning before I even got up!! How’s that for inspiration!

Food-wise I’m fighting the sugar cravings – so far the willpower is winning. I love eating healthily but at the back of my mind is that compulsion to gorge myself on chips or chocolate. Hopefully it’s just a habit that needs breaking. It’s only 11 days into FebFast, I still have 17 to go!

Other goals for this week include getting into a healthy routine of going to bed early and getting up early…

Planning the week ahead

So here’s my exercise plan for the week – I am hoping that if I write it down, I’ll actually stick to it!

  • Monday: 45 minute spin class + 12WBT fitness test
  • Tuesday: 60 minutes swimming laps
  • Wednesday: ride to work and back, run 30 minutes
  • Thursday: 60 minute body pump class
  • Friday: ride to work and back, run 30 minutes
  • Saturday: rest day – drive up to Ballarat
  • Sunday: complete 100km Ballarat Cycle Classic

I’m a huge fan of Lorna Jane and I’m aiming to use their mantra “move, nourish, believe” as the framework for my year. This is going to be the main focus of my posts, but I’ve also decided to use this blog as a true reflection of me – all of me. I don’t want to self-censor the things that I think I might be judged for, and I hope that in the process I’ll learn a bit more about myself, and be really confident in who I am. I’ve always really struggled with defining myself – I’m easy-going, patient, don’t have strong opinions, don’t have any passionate beliefs, I don’t have a favourite colour or movie or band…I think I tend to mold to the interests and opinions of those around me so I’m never confident to be very open with my own interests and opinions. As I re-read the sentence above, I notice a lot of negatives – “I don’t xxx” – which I know is part of the problem. The Universe will give me what I focus on, but doesn’t necessarily distinguish between “do” and “don’t”.

Good weekend & healthy recipe

I had a good weekend – started if off with a 7am bike ride along Beach Rd, we went from Sandringham to Frankston and back and I achieved an average speed of 27km/hr (total 58.5kms) – definitely my best effort yet!

I got lots of cooking done as well, and made one of my old favourites. This recipe is great for lunches or as a side dish and is really quick to make (once the rice is cooked). I got it off the back of the brown rice packet!

 

Brown Rice Salad

Brown Rice SaladIngredients:

2 cups cooked brown rice (cooled)

1 can four bean mix, drained

1 cup green beans, chopped (raw or blanched)

1/2 bunch parsley (optional)

1 punnet cherry tomatoes, halved

4 tblspns extra virgin olive oil

2 tblspns white wine or apple cider vinegar

1 tblspn whole grain mustard

1 small red onion, chopped

salt & pepper to taste

 

Method:

Mix all ingredients in a large bowl

Season to taste with salt and pepper

Serves 6-8.

 

My weekend at a glance:

  • 58.5km bike ride (average speed 27km/hr)
  • Caught up with friends
  • Did a huge batch of cooking for my brother and his girlfriend to tide them over while she is sick
  • Two loads of laundry
  • Watered the front garden (forgot to do the back – oops)
  • Started taking photos to fill my Stylebook app – it’s a time-consuming process but should be a great tool once it’s done!

Food-wise, I was sort-of good. I ate a nut bar during my bike ride which was definitely not allowed for the Febfast No-sugar Challenge, and yesterday I fell off the wagon spectacularly. It always seems to be the weekends that get me 😦

Anyway, today is Monday, which means a fresh start. I’m planning on doing my 12WBT Fitness Test after my spin class tonight, and my first weigh in for a couple of weeks, so we’ll see where I’m at.

Feeling productive

So despite my lack of fun last night, February has so far been a good month:

  • I signed up for FebFast and I chose no alcohol and no sugar (well – you’re allowed about 5 teaspoons per day, which is not a lot) – after a rocky start I’ve been good all week. And I’ve raised $290 so far, with a goal of $400.
  • I decluttered some stuff in my room
  • I put together a gift for a friend that I should have given to her back in December
  • I started Michelle Bridges 12WBT as a way to keep motivated in my healthy eating and regular exercise goals – it’s taking me longer than I thought to get in the right head space, and I still haven’t had a chance to do my fitness test, so that is on the to-do list for Saturday or Sunday. I was also meant to be working out 6 days per week but so far have only managed 1 out of 5 days. However I have a 75km bike ride planned for tomorrow which will go a long way towards making up for my slothfulness. I have been busy after work every day and I’m still working on being a morning person, so that’s my excuse. When I think about all the waiting around last night I am even more pissed off, as it was a missed gym opportunity. A lesson for me – I should prioritise my health over pleasure, especially when I am depending on someone else for the pleasure.
  • I picked up a new Ceres Fair Food mixed fruit and veg box last night so I’m stocked up on fresh, locally sources and organic produce – I’m aiming to spend Sunday cooking meals for the week ahead, and exploring new recipes. I forgot to take photos, but I’ve included some from previous weeks. In this week’s box was bananas, grapes, white nectarines, Valencia oranges, carrots, tomatoes, potatoes, mixed lettuce, green beans, beetroot, zucchini, kale and sweetcorn, as well as a dozen free range eggs. A small box lasts me a fortnight and it’s fantastic quality and excellent value.

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“Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”
― Michael Pollan, In Defense of Food

February not so fun

So, it’s been a busy week. But I have felt very productive so I’m tired but happy. Thank goodness it’s Friday!

I met this guy in December 2013 and we have great chemistry. He’s made it clear he’s not up for anything more than fun. I mulled it over and decided I could do with some fun – yay me! It’s crazy the judgement/non-judgement you get from different people. A guy friend looked very disappointed when I mentioned I had met someone but it was just going to be a casual sex thing. He kept saying “You’re better than that”. Hmm. A girlfriend who is fairly conservative told me to go for it! Can’t win. Mostly I’m just keeping it to myself and I’ll take from it what I can – that I’m a hot, sexy, desirable woman who hasn’t had sex in 7 months, so I need the ego boost and the practice!

Anyway – the news for the week is that he was meant to come over last night for the Big Event. We’ve been texting and skyping and emailing each other about it for weeks (we have also met up in person and enjoyed some fooling around). And…well…anticlimax. As in: he.didn’t.come.over!! All that anticipation and rushing around making sure I had my legs shaved and my house was not a mess all for nothing. And the thing that shits me the most, is that he didn’t call to explain. He texted at one point after I sent a text saying I was going to fall asleep waiting (it was only 8:30pm at this point but I’d been up early and we’d planned for him to come over at 7pm) to say he was stressing out, had built it up too much in his head. I replied saying I was nervous too, but we had great chemistry and he should just come over and we’ll see what happens, no pressure. No reply for two hours. Obviously by that point I had given up – changed into comfy clothes and went to bed. So now what? He texted late last night to say sorry, he had stressed himself out, and promised to make it up (to me, I presume). The thing is – do I want him to? This man is not my future husband, he was just meant to be a bit of fun. And now I am seriously reconsidering my attraction to him. That’s the thing with us girls – attraction is in the mind.

So, I haven’t replied, I will let him stew for a few days. I think I’ll have to do a series of posts on the men I’ve dated and the adventures I’ve had (not saying it’s that many, but I have some stories to tell!)